ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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