LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize