Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I faked an abortion last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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