I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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