I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize