Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
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Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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