How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
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All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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