Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize