My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
third nipple confirmed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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