Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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