My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize