Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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