u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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