Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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