Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Drunk walkin through police station. America
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize