No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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