Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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