i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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