I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize