They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
smell my finger.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize