you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
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All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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