Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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