last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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