I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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