So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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