put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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