Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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