I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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