she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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