So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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