I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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