guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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