Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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