I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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