I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wish my penis had a tongue
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He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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