i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize