Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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