I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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