Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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