if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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