Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize