If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
someone owes me an orgasm
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize