When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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