Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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