i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize