all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize