Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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