I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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