yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize