i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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